Poker jokes

POKER JOKES SELECTION #10:
What’s the difference between Phil Hellmuth and God? God doesn’t think he’s Phil Hellmuth.

POKER JOKES SELECTION #9:
How do you get a professional poker player off of your doorstep? Pay him for the pizza.

POKER JOKES SELECTION #8:
A professional poker player approaches his best friend and asks, « Fred, can you loan me $1,000 for a week or so – I am runnning short on money this week and my family needs to eat. » His best friend says, « Sure but under one condition – that you don’t use any of the money for poker. » The professional poker player responds, « No problem Fred, I already have $2000 set aside for that! »

POKER JOKES SELECTION #7:
Why is “a man” like a deck of cards? Because you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his head in, and a spade to bury the bastard.

POKER JOKES SELECTION #6:
What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!

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POKER JOKES SELECTION #5:
A man walks into a casino to play some blackjack , he sees a blond women at the coke machine with a bag full of coke that she had bought and she was still buying more, so the man thought nothing of it and went back to playing blackjack. After 10 minutes of playing blackjack he goes to the toilet. On his way he sees the blond women still at the coke machine with 4 bags full of coke cans and still buying more, so he asks the blond women; « What are you doing? » The blond replies, « I’m winning! »

POKER JOKES SELECTION #4:
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog playing poker. The guy is amazed that the dog is playing poker. « Bartender, is that a real dog playing poker? » the guy asks. « Yep, real as can be, » the bartender replies. « Well, is he any good? » the guy asks. « Nah, every time he has a good hand he wags his tail. »

POKER JOKES SELECTION #3:
« That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker, » a housewife told to her neighbor. « You didn’t do it, did you? » « I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months! »

POKER JOKES SELECTION #2:
What’s the difference between a large pizza and a poker player? A large pizza can feed a family of 4, a poker player cannot.

POKER JOKES SELECTION #1:
What is Bill Clinton’s favorite game? Poke-her.


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